11/23/21
Organizing pictures I came across the four photos I have of my mom an hour after her death. It was the first time that I looked at them and felt she looked peaceful. I had known she was finally at peace there, wished it for her and thought it, but I guess while I was there that morning and recalling those couple hours over the months, I still didn't see her at peace. I seem to mostly have seen my mother who struggled so terribly for years and that was the expression I saw that morning after she died. I'm grateful I took those photos because looking at them now I see more release and less struggle and it puts her in a peaceful context and offers me something I didn't know I wish I would have experienced that morning when she died. But now I can see it and that makes my heart less heavy even though I can see her struggle even more clearly now too.
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